3d1180a0d74b5617_UDEP_D28_07565_R.xxxlarge_2xSo, obviously, Dirty Grandpa is terrible. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. Terrible. Don’t see it. It’s gross and stupid and embarrassing. But, like anything, if it catches you in the right mood (and comes out in a barren movie landscape filled with Oscar dramas you’ve already seen) it theoretically can be seen as having a few charms.

They are:

– Zac Efron sings in this movie, something he hasn’t done on film in so long that I had totally forgotten about the entire early part of his career and why he’s famous in the first place. “Oh yeah, Zac Efron can sing!” is a nice-enough revelation to have and a much-needed reprieve from the gross-out humour that marks the rest of the movie. The fact that he sings Celine Dion, even better.

– Julianne Hough’s hair looks incredible. She’s stiff as a board (on purpose, but still) but her hair looks great.

– Aubrey Plaza is in this movie. She’s disgusting in it and you’ll be so sad thinking about all the things she’s doing with the mouth that once kissed Chris Pratt as a day job but you like Aubrey Plaza and it’s always nice to see her in movies, even when she’s disgusting (at least she’s game? Like, it’s better to be game than not game, right? I don’t know).

– Robert De Niro is in impressive shape. I don’t know why you’d care but for some reason people seem to be really happy about this.

– Dermot Mulroney. I love Dermot Mulroney because he played Michael in My Best Friend’s Wedding and, even though he’s never been good in anything else, that will always be enough for me. I don’t know why you would cast him as a yuppie sell-out (he talks way too slow for his lawyer character to make any sense at all) and I have no idea when he got old enough to be cast as Zac Efron’s father, but he’s in the movie (a little bit) and, as previously discussed, I will love him forever.

– I don’t know why I like Jason Mantzoukas but I do. He’s here too.

– I do know why I like Adam Pally and he’s also in a couple scenes (how did they get this cast to do this movie?!).

– Zac Efron’s naked a lot. I mean, I personally think his body peaked a few movies ago and has now crossed over into that body builder veiny place where handsome goes to die in a pit of long-lost self-esteem, but I recognize that his nakedness is still a selling point for people who aren’t me.

– The love interest is insanely pretty (like if Rose Byrne and Isla Fisher had a baby) but somehow isn’t alienating and they genuinely tried to make her somewhat interesting. I don’t know why she couldn’t be a grown-ass woman instead of a college student but there is visible effort and she looks good with Zac so whatever.

– My grandpa’s kinda sorta like De Niro in this movie and my brother’s kinda sorta like the main character (but less Efron-y). I get it. Sort of. Ugh.

Look at that! I came up with 10 (somewhat) good things about Dirty Grandpa. You’re welcome, world.

Final reminder: don’t see this movie.