I’m too smart for Bachelor Pad (we all are). Why am I not watching Mad Men? Alas, I do not like Mad Men, but I sort of enjoyed Bachelor Pad. I mean, I enjoyed it whenever I didn’t hate it. (Even in its worst moments I generally don’t hate The Bachelor– but Bachelor Pad, yes, very much).

I pretty much knew I would hate it going in: they picked the absolute least likable contestants they could have (except for Gia- I always liked her) and gave them terrible terrible competitions to play (pie eating? really?!) then rigged the competition so that the undramatic people left without ceremony (that spin the bottle game that eliminated 3 girls was SOO predictable). BUT. The awesome Chris Harrison was joined by Melissa Rycroft (the most popular contestant ever, pretty much), the occasional clever competition led to some great footage (mostly the kissing one- that was awesome/gross/awesome) and the general game setup could not have worked out better for them (there was actual love AND money- who knew?!)

Somehow, Bachelor Pad produced more promising couples than The Bachelor ever did. Somehow, strategy actually came into play. And, most surprisingly, I came to really root for some of these horrible horrible people. I mean, some are just unredeemable, for example I truly believe that Elizabeth should be in a mental institution, but that was just her. Really, just the one.

Here’s the creepy thing. If someone had asked me in June who my least favourite bachelor ever was, I’d have said Dave. Bachelorette? I might have said Elizabeth (still true) or Natalie if I had been able to remember she existed. And the most notorious villain in show history? Wes, definitely Wes. I remember liking Kiptyn, and while I’ve never been at all fond of Tenley, I never hated her. I also recall thinking Nikki was smart, Juan sweetly misunderstood and Craig horrifying. Now, I’m very fond of Dave, love Wes, respect Natalie, find Kiptyn dull, despise Tenley, consider Nikki a moron, and know Juan to be sleazy and Craig not all that bad. So what’s up? That’s just weird.

I’m putting this one on the show’s editing team. Or on my own stupidity. Either way, I’m horrified. Whether it’s because I lack the judgment skills to see through unfair editing during The Bachelor or lack the conviction to stick to my opinions on people going through Bachelor Pad, I’ll never know. But I do know that ABC and their evil band of Bachelor minions have me in the palm of their hand. For 2 hours every Monday night since May I have felt exactly how they’ve wanted me to feel. I hated Dave but I was rooting harder for him tonight than I have for any reality contestant in awhile. I liked Gia and, like everyone else, never trusted Wes, but I cheered when he kissed her and professed his love. I was also super excited to hear “Love Don’t Come Easy” or whatever that song is called- really!?!

Then they assigned the hottest female choreographer (in some brilliant cross-promotion with Dancing with the Stars) and grossest (or “sexiest”) dance there is to crazy jealous Elizabeth and her sleazy boyfriend Kovacs and I knew the producers had their thinking caps on for tonight’s episode. When they capped the season with my 2 favourite contestants (Natalie and Dave) facing a prisoner’s dilemma for the money, I even started to believe that Bachelor Pad was a smart show. But maybe that makes it smart. Maybe pie eating contests and twister competitions aren’t what define the show, maybe it’s the fact that they got me. Wool over eyes.

I’m a silly silly gullible girl. Pathetic.